Thursday, February 15, 2007

Better than being beaten, stoned and finally beheaded...*

Note to parents considering placing their kids in pre-school:
How's your self-confidence? 'Cause there's nothing like a pre-school event -- Valentine's Day springs to mind here -- to let you know exactly how much you suck as a parent.

I thought I was the fo-shizzle, as it were, having purchased cards well in advance, and having even got cool Nerds candy cards for Buddy, with tiny boxes of candy that popped cunningly into the cards (tape and die punch not included).

Buddy came home with a bag full of cards that included candy, but worse than that, several of the candy cards were hand made, incorporating the candy packets into clever little animal designs. This is because I suck.

Also, I forgot to put together any cards for his teachers. Perhaps they did not suffer for lack of Nerds, but it's the thoughtlessness that counts.

I didn't go so all-out with Bear's cards, simply getting him a pack of Pixar-related cards with neither bells nor whistles. I had theorized that a roomful of pre-two-year-olds would not give much of a crap about Valentines. When I set down to address all the cards, I couldn't find a class list for him anywhere. Again, going with my madcap what-does-an-eighteen-month-old-want- with-a-Valentine? theory, I put Bear's name on a fistful of cards, stuck 'em in a baggy with a self-deprecating note to his teacher, and moved on with my life.

When did I locate the neatly labeled and completed list of his classmates? If you guessed "three blocks away from the school, after I dropped them off" you win the enchilada. Running Appallingly Late has been a major theme of mine lately, so all I had left to do was drive on to work in a steaming puddle of shame and humiliation.

He Who Looks Hot in Jeans got me an iPod as his token of Valentinian affection. I'm sure I'll get exactly zero sympathy from all none of you who read, but I simply cannot break him of the notion that "expensive"="awesome". I like the iPod, it's blue and shiny and tiny, but I'm going to have to commit to actual lifestyle changes before I find a use for the darn thing.

(I just spent the last forty-five minutes trying to upload my songs and calling innocent software some very ugly names.)

I got my man a cherry tree and a comforter and I fed him salmon for dinner. I'm enjoying the comforter as much as he's enjoying my iPod. If that's not love, what is?

*St. Valentine apparently got hisself martyred in this extensive fashion.


Goldie said...

ChinchillaBoy does not HAVE to pass out Valentines anymore! Turns out, in 5th grade, it is OPTIONAL! Envy me, I'm done with this crap for ever and ever and ever *happy dance*
And, and, nobody brought ANYTHING homemade to the 5th grade Valentine party! I still suck as a parent, but now so does everybody else, so again, hooray for me.

hrtsmom said...

Hey, I got an iPod for V-Day too! To replace my much-beloved (but unimpressively breakable) RCA Lyra. I wear it when I'm house-cleaning, washing dishes, walking to school to pick up Thing Two, walking to school to bring Thing Two the backpack she forgot to take to school with her . . .

nextcommercial said...

I adore my IPOD. But, I learned that this type of software requires and 8th grader. Lucky for me, I HAVE an 8th grader.

I give her my list of songs, an Itunes card, and my Ipod, she reappears a short time later with my newly loaded musical distraction.